I’m Grateful for my Broken Heart

As an International Policy Advocate, I am constantly reading about the United States’ actions abroad, advocating for federal policy that will benefit all God’s children and educating those who want to learn about the intersectional nature of our world. When I lay down at night and reflect on how I’m feeling, the word that has come up almost every night this year is heartbroken.

I have watched, along with the rest of you and the world, as the current administration has taken unacceptable, inhumane actions. People all over the world are suffering from the decisions made here in Washington, DC and it is heartbreaking to spend my mornings reading all the newsletters I’m subscribed to, seeing the details of human and earth suffering on display.

At first, it really saddened me that I kept feeling heartbroken. Then I remembered a reflection that was read at a staff meeting months prior where someone had prayed something along the lines of, “may we never become so desensitized that our hearts stop breaking at the injustices of the world.” Second to being heartbroken, I am confused. Confused as to how anyone can want to harm humans they don’t know, confused as to how people are not entranced by the rivers and old forests and want to cut them down, confused as to how justice and equity are not the most important thing to all humans. I don’t want to ever lose those feelings, and I came to understand the reflection shared months prior.

To not be heartbroken is to not be confused, or sad or angry when I read my morning newsletters or hear reports from our partners around the world. It is a gift to be heartbroken. My heartbreak is a direct connection to the maker, the All High. I think of how many times God has been heartbroken. How many times Jesus was heartbroken and wept for us, especially as we are in Holy Week when I am writing this, and are ruminating on those last heartbreaking moments for Jesus before he fulfilled his promise and purpose.

I am more deeply connected to humanity, the earth and the beauties of life because my heart is able to be broken. I deeply believe that we are all made in God’s image and that every single emotion we feel as humans is one that God has felt and bestowed upon us so that we may fully embrace this incredible life and all the beauty it contains.

Now when I lay down and assess how I’m feeling, I still feel heartbreak, but that is immediately followed by gratitude. Gratitude for my basic needs being met, for my privilege, and for the ability to have a broken heart so that I may be reminded as to what matters to me most, and why I will show up every day until we have a just world for all.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Helen Nwabara serves as the International Policy Advocate in Washington, DC as part of the National Setting of the United Church of Christ.

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