Why Children Need Church

How Churches Can Be Safe Third Spaces for Children

by Bree McKee-Miller

Here are some things I know:
• Loneliness has been declared a global epidemic affecting both mental and physical health and wellbeing.(1)
• Our children and youth are part of the loneliest and most depressed (statistically speaking) generations ever.(2)
• Loneliness does not appear to have as significant a correlation to social media use as many might expect,(3) but may have more correlation to the decline in the availability of third spaces,(4) by which we mean places besides home and school/work where people can gather, socialize, and create community.
• There is a significant three-way correlation between young people who report thriving, those who report having a sense of belonging to a supportive community, and those who report having a sense of purpose.(5)
• The church is uniquely situated as a third space that can provide both belonging and purpose.

While children may not remember the specific material taught to them in church, they will remember the teachers. They will remember the examples set by all the adults around them and how we made them feel. They are studying us and learning how to be.(6) In this way, churches do not have faith formation programs, they are faith formation programs.(7)

Because they are studying us to learn how to be, how we treat them teaches them about their perceived worth. A sense of belonging is created by being noticed, named, and known.(8) If we actively see our young people, talk to them by name, ask questions about their lives and interests, and give them the sense that the community values their presence and would notice their absence, we can create a sense of belonging. If, however, we are more invested in judging and policing behavior than in getting to know and celebrating the unique identities of our young people, we are not only missing an opportunity to be the third space these children need, but we are actively doing long-term harm to the well-being of our young people.

We must remember that children are not the future of the church; they are the church right now. Their voices, insights, perspectives, and experiences matter, and by ignoring them we tell them they don’t belong.

The purpose of a successful Faith Formation program should be to teach a value system that instills in young people a disposition that sets them up to act in the interests of the kingdom of God on earth (knowing, being, doing).(9) If we can help to connect the dots between these values, our children’s individual gifts, and empowerment to do something about the suffering of the world, voilà: purpose.

Children need church because they need to belong to something. They need their community to support and guide their quest for a sense of purpose. They need hope. They need to know that they are beautiful, glorious, and valuable as God’s unique creations, not because they are particularly talented at contorting themselves into whatever boxes society says they should fit into. They need to know that there is a safe place to land when the world beats them up. They need to know that they are created in God’s image and that there’s nothing they could ever do to exempt them from God’s love and grace. They need to know that God created them because their specific gifts and insights are needed. They need to know that they are the church. And we need to know that because they are the church, they are the faith formation program, too, and we should be studying them to learn how to be.

• 1 Sarah Johnson, “WHO Declares Loneliness a ‘global public health concern’,” The Guardian, November 16, 2023, https://www.theguardian.com/global-development/2023/nov/16/who-declares-loneliness-a-global-public-health-concern.
• 2 Jena Hillard, “Study Reveals Gen Z As The Loneliest Generation In America,” Addiction Center, last modified March 18, 2025, https://www.addictioncenter.com/news/2019/08/gen-z-loneliest-generation/ AND “Mott Poll Report: Facilitating Friendships: Parents’ Role,” C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital, University of Michigan, September 16, 2024, https://mottpoll.org/reports/facilitating-friendships-parents-role
• 3 Belonging: Reconnecting America’s Loneliest Generation, (Springtide Reasearch Institute, 2020),
• 4 Jessica Finlay, Michael Esposito, Min Hee Kim, Iris Gomez-Lopez, & Phlippa Clarke, “Closure of ‘Third Places’? Exploring Potential Consequences for Collective Health and Wellbeing,” Health Place, October 14, 2019, https://doi.org/10.1016/j.healthplace.2019 AND aquizoncolquitt, “Third Places: What Are They and Why Are They Important to American Culture?,” The University of Chicago English Language Institute, November 1, 2023, https://esl.uchicago.edu/2023/11/01/third-places-what-are-they-and-why-are-they-important-to-american-culture/
• 5 The State of Religion & Young People: Mental Health: What Faith Leaders Need to Know, (Springtide Research Institute, 2022).
• 6 Karen B Tye, Basics of Christian Education (Chalice Press, 2000), 51. AND Meg Riley, “The Core of Our Evolving Unitarian Universalist Faith” in Essex Conversations: Vision for Lifespan Lifespan Religious Education, ed. The Essex Conversations Coordinating Committee (Skinner House Books, 2001), 220.
• 7 Laura Wilkerson Spencer, “Our Seven Principles” in Essex Conversations: Visions for Lifespan Religious Education, ed. The Essex Conversations Coordinating Committee. (Skinner House Books, 2001), 263-264.
• 8 The State of Religion & Young People: Mental Health: What Faith Leaders Need to Know, (Springtide Research Institute, 2022), 46-49.
• 9 Jack L. Seymour, “Paying Attention: Educating for Redemptive Communities” in Educating for Redemptive Community: Essays in Honor of Jack Seymour and Margaret Ann Crain, ed. Denise Janssen. (Wipf & Stock, 2015), 20-27.

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