Unquestioning and Unchanging

I spoke with someone who has different views than I do about the current political realities in the United States and around the world. Because my views were different, they made assumptions about me in ways that I found dismissive of my personhood. There were no questions asked, instead, there were assumptions about who I am and why I have the religious, political and global perspectives I offered in our conversation.

The final verbal dart from them as our discussion concluded was: “I have known you for years, and I know how you think,” as if nothing about me changed in those years. There was a sense of their opinions being absolute – unquestionable and certain – though perpetuating stereotypes and misunderstandings of my values and who I am.

Assumptions play out daily as we meet people and place them in the boxes created by society. Race, class, gender, religion, sexual orientation, political affiliations (and more) come with stereotypes that often define our expectations of others. Determinations are made about how people will act, the choices they will make, and the ways they will treat us based on those boxes which say: Progressives are… Conservatives are… Poor people are… Trans people are… The list goes on, with each group being defined in ways that scapegoat and dictate absolute outcomes about people on first encounter.

These assumptions prevent embracing the possibilities of learning from others and they contribute to broadening the rifts that are present in communities – including political and theological divisions. While this way of encountering people is exacerbated along differences, the truth is that assumptions are made even within the groupings where people hold commonalities. Over time the communal investments in relationships are diminishing. Those boxes and borders that are erected prevent learning about people, unless there is the willingness to risk meeting people where they are to learn about them based on conversations that move beyond the voices of assumption that predetermine their relevance and their worth.

A few months ago, I read I Never Thought of It That Way: How to Have Fearlessly Curious Conversations in Dangerously Divided Times by Mónica Guzman. Published in 2022, Guzman’s book tackles the challenges emerging of political polarization. She and her parents voted for different candidates in the presidential elections in 2016 and 2020. From this vantage point, she took on finding a way to encourage dialogue across the political divide. While Guzman focuses on the political divide, what she offers is a way across the multiple divides that ail and plague us, the divides that stunt our curiosity about each other and cause us to be mired in the wasteland of stereotypes and assumptions. She suggests using our assumptions as questions.

She writes: “We can’t not make assumptions about people. Assumptions are how we navigate a complicated world where we don’t and can’t know everything about everyone. All we can do is notice the assumptions we are making and ask why. Fail to notice the assumptions and they might harden into lies. Turn them into questions and they’ll get you closer to truth” (p. 115). She further notes that we must be curious about the other to tear down the walls created by assumption and create conversations to learn about each other.

It is possible to learn the truths the other possesses, to move beyond the boxes and the boundaries and make meaning of the neighbors we meet. It is possible to release the absolute ways we approach the differences we observe in others and make room for widening the spaces we occupy to be the beloved community. Guzman offers ways forward that are helpful even in our faith communities where differences are threatening the ability to be the body of Christ.

We are invited to love our neighbor as ourselves (Mark 12:30-31). We are to hold the promise of a future where the lion will lie down with the lamb (Isaiah 11:6-9). To be the church, we have much to learn about each other to break down the barriers created by our social, cultural and political differences. In a world where differences are fueling and perpetuating violence, our relational investments can and will help to bring about change. We must question our responses to affect change in each other.