Anger to Love

Sunday, August 12, 2018
Nineteenth Sunday in Ordinary Time Year B
Twelfth Sunday after Pentecost (Proper 14)

Focus Theme:
Anger to Love

Focus Prayer:
Creator God, as we grow and mature into the creation you envisioned, we become more certain that it is community which makes us strong. Through our collective hopes, dreams and endeavors, we push through the barriers of time and distance, race and economics, gender and religion. We pray that we continue to widen the circle of your limitless inclusion until we are all truly one.

Focus Scripture
Ephesians 4:25-5:2

So then, putting away falsehood, let all of us speak the truth to our neighbors, for we are members of one another. Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not make room for the devil. Thieves must give up stealing; rather let them labor and work honestly with their own hands, so as to have something to share with the needy. Let no evil talk come out of your mouths, but only what is useful for building up, as there is need, so that your words may give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with which you were marked with a seal for the day of redemption. Put away from you all bitterness and wrath and anger and wrangling and slander, together with all malice, and be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ has forgiven you. Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children, and live in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

All readings for this Sunday:
2 Samuel 18:5-9, 15, 31-33 with Psalm 130 or
1 Kings 19:4-8 with Psalm 34:1-8
Ephesians 4:25-5:2
John 6:35, 31-51

Focus Questions:

1. When is anger justified, and even valuable? How should it be expressed?

2. When have your words been a “creative act”?

3. What does it mean to you to “grieve the Spirit of God”?

4. What “truth” does your use of money tell about your spiritual life?

5. Do these words to an ancient congregation apply only to our life in the church, or to our life in the world as well? If so, how? If not, why not?

by Kate Matthews

We don’t often hear the word “conversion” in the United Church of Christ, but this week’s reading from the Letter to the Ephesians invites us to consider what it means to be not just a name on the rolls of a congregation but a living, breathing, “whole and holy” follower of Jesus, with our hearts and minds and entire selves converted–transformed–by giving our lives over to God in Jesus Christ.

While last week’s reading from the Letter to the Ephesians (4:1-16) urged us to walk the walk as much as talking the talk, this week’s passage leads us to examine our talk as well. Not so much our public or official speech, really, but our everyday, person-to-person talk, with one another and about one another.

After we say yes

If we are truly given over to Christ, truly transformed, people will be able to see it. It will show. For example, it might be hard to “speak the truth in love,” but we will speak it, in love, nonetheless. This may be a greater challenge in the church than contentious quarrels about sexuality or even the “forbidden topic” of money. Speaking the truth in love about money is quite difficult, as is “walking our talk” about it.

For example, it’s been said that stewardship is everything we do after we say “yes” to God, and Herb Miller shares the words of someone who “suggested the following as an appropriate offertory prayer: ‘Lord, no matter what we say or do, here is what we think of you. Amen.'” What we do with our money holds more truth than what we may say about it; for example, our checkbook may describe our priorities more accurately than our words do. (There’s a good spiritual formation exercise: examining our checkbook/online banking/credit card statement as indicators of our beliefs and true priorities.)

Difficult conversations

Could it be that we in the church spend so much time talking about sexuality (and who is acceptable or not, based on their sexuality) in order to avoid telling the truth in love about the more difficult moral issue of money and its connection to our faith? We may also want to avoid talking about the even larger questions of generosity, the kind of generosity exercised, for example, in forgiveness that reflects a gentle and generous spirit that lets go of resentment, anger, and old grudges, not to mention the death-grip that we often have on our own self-righteousness.

Even more paralyzing is our fear of the truth, of telling and hearing the truth. And yet, a faith community that is both truthful and loving is an immeasurable gift in our lives. This passage begins with an exhortation to tell the truth, but that command is tempered by love, and, later, by kindness.

As Paul V. Marshall observes, “For the author of Ephesians, truth is not sufficient warrant for speech. What is spoken is to be for building up, for occasioning grace….Do we understand the power of the slightest of our words to be creative acts?” Maybe we don’t have to say every single thing that’s on our mind, even if it is “the truth” (as we see it).

God had us in mind long ago

In The Message, Eugene Peterson offers a version of the earliest verses of this letter, in which the writer of Ephesians (Paul or one writing in his name, from prison) speaks clearly to the church of what it means to remember who we are, and to remember whose we are. Today’s reading is a sketch (and a good one) of what it looks like, then, if we say yes to God.

If we claim our identity in Christ, if we know ourselves as members of a body, how can we be at war with one another, outwardly or underneath the surface and behind one another’s back? If we truly belong to one another and to the Body of Christ, how can we hurt one another with angry words and actions? When we act out of anger, we hurt ourselves, in a very real sense, as the members of a body should not and would not hurt each other.

How can we not be generous?

If God has been generous and forgiving to us, how can we who belong to God be anything but generous and forgiving, anything but kind to one another? Yes, we’re human, and anger is part of the human experience. The writer of Ephesians has sense enough to recognize that, but urges us to resist acting out of anger, a struggle that is clearly an ancient one for humans.

Paul Marshall reports that “ currently lists more than forty thousand religious titles that touch on the subject of anger.” (Last time I checked, there were closer to 10,000 titles on anger listed; I’m not sure what that says about our interests–or progress–since Marshall wrote his commentary. Still, 10,000-plus? That’s a lot of books!)

Anger is indeed part of being human, but to be the church is to be a community of reconciliation, and Marshall lifts up reconciliation as a spiritual practice for “the reconciled community,” a practice that “begins with naming” the “frightening” emotion of anger. Is reconciliation on our list of spiritual practices? How do we as individuals and as communities move from (or through) anger to love?

Would our acts “betray” us as followers of Jesus?

One contemporary example of acting out of anger, in a nation that often claims to be Christian, is the experience of road rage. Even our lesser temptations to react to rudeness on the road can carry consequences. A local church pastor in the UCC tells the story of being cut off in traffic by another driver, but then she remembered that she had a bumper sticker inviting folks to come to her church. She felt a heightened sense of responsibility to bear witness to a gentle spirit since she was, in effect, representing her church. She felt the anger, but didn’t act, or react, out of it.

Do folks outside our church encounter us each day as people of gentle spirits and tender hearts? Would our conduct and manner “betray” us as followers of Jesus? How often we humans strive to “play God” without actually imitating God’s love, forgiveness, and generosity! And yet, this Letter to the Ephesians holds us to an “imitation of God” in terms that challenge us not to power over but power within–the power of love and truth and gentleness, the power of kindness and humility.

A very human experience

The writer of this letter speaks of anger itself as something human, perhaps, but not when it’s prolonged and nurtured. How can we speak the truth in love, from the pulpit, about anger, especially in the church itself? Quiet angers may simmer within congregations, as well as marriages and families, neighbors and nations, undermining human relationships at every turn, and grieving “the Holy Spirit of God” (v. 30).

Just as long-simmering anger can hurt a person’s physical health and emotional well-being, so the angers and resentments in a community, unaddressed, may injure the wholeness, the health and strength, of the community of faith.

Anger is only part of the picture

Dianne Bergant expands on the author’s list of sins: “Bitterness is that disposition that cherishes resentment….Fury is anger expressed in violent outbursts of temper. Anger is the eruption of impulsive passion….Reviling denotes slanderous words spoken behind another’s back. Malice is less a vice than a quality of evil.” All of these sins, Bergant writes, are harmful to the Christian community, and they grieve the Holy Spirit.

Alas, the church in every age seems beset by conflict and anger, including our own. The actors and the issues may vary, but the sins persist. What angers flare up within you and the body of your church, within the community of your church’s setting, its neighborhood? Within and beyond our own walls, our own neighborhoods, so much of the world’s conflict is caused by anger nurtured for years and generations, so that it feels like it has become “part of the DNA” of the community.

Anger can be just

We know, of course, that anger can indeed be justified, for example, on the part of those suffering injustice over many years. If such anger motivates us to action on behalf of justice and healing, then it has great value. But how is it best expressed?

In fact, we need to examine more closely the other times when anger may be quite justified, and how it might be connected to healing, for example, on the part of victims of different forms of abuse. Part of depression, it is said, can be anger that is suppressed, and healing is facilitated when the anger is expressed. And then there is anger as a stage of grieving, too. Anger, if it’s a healthy human emotion, isn’t always all bad.

Too quick to forgive?

It’s even possible that we can actually be too quick to forgive, too swift to excuse another’s actions, especially if there has been no sorrow expressed, no repentance, and if there have been significant consequences of a person’s actions. The situation is made worse if others make the justifiably angry person feel guilty about that healthy response to being wronged. What if the offender is still committing the offense–what then?

These are difficult questions, and pastors surely need to draw on deep wells of wisdom, both ancient (Scripture) and new (psychology and other sources of insight) in order to help those who struggle with them. If anger is ever justified, what is the Christian way of dealing with it, of expressing it without sinning, as Paul suggests?

The dangers of perfectionism

This is a lot to live up to, Paul. Even a short passage like this one, can make a person feel very small, and very unworthy. We wonder how we can ever measure up, how can we avoid these sins, how can we even think of “imitating God.” Such an effort with its inevitable failures is especially hard on a perfectionist.

Joel E. Kok, however, cautions us that perfectionistic tendencies in the spiritual life, thinking that we have to measure up to impossible standards, can make us, well…neurotic. Instead, Kok urges us to look to Paul as our example, as Paul never hesitated to speak of his own shortcomings but still found the “striving toward perfection” as something “energizing, enabling him, in the beautiful and familiar words of Philippians 3:14, to ‘press on toward the goal for the prize of the heavenly call of God in Christ Jesus.'”

We’re saved by grace, it’s true, not by our own effort, but Kok uses the wonderful phrase, “not effortlessly but willingly” to describe this way of living (we might spend some time reflecting on the difference between those two words, especially in light of this passage). Can a perfectionist live with a dependence on grace? Good question.

Marks of new life

G. Porter Taylor employs a wonderful image when he describes these virtues or works not as “merit badges” but as “marks of the new life given to us in baptism.” What might seem to us to be prideful or over-reaching (and totally impossible) is a kind of training, or maybe a process of growing into who we want to become. Paul Marshall, meanwhile, says that a writer as ancient as this one recognizes that being a Christian is something “we grow into.”

It’s odd that, when we try to claim that identity while we’re still growing into it, we often meet with criticism, as if we’re being hypocritical or “phony,” Taylor writes, by claiming to be Christian when we still have a long way to go to meet the Christian ideals: “One would never argue with anyone’s attempt to ‘become’ possessed of the traits of a successful lawyer, rock star, or world leader….The text invites us to do what comes unnaturally as a means to making it natural, or second nature.”

Reading these words reminded me of something I heard many years ago, about the great German theologian, Karl Rahner, who said that it’s better to say that we’re always becoming Christians than saying that we simply are Christians. His words suggest growing into an identity rather than achieving a static goal, or piling up merit badges, either.

Kindness and tender-heartedness

Scholars observe that there is a beautiful Greek word in this text that we miss in English: chrestos, or kindness, and the word itself, as well as its meaning, reminds us of Christ himself. So does the word “tender-hearted,” and we remember the times Jesus felt compassion for a sick person, or a hungry crowd, or grieving sisters at their brother’s tomb.

It seems to me that kindness ought to be the foundation of our behavior toward one another; I think it was a man named John Watson (and not Plato) who said that we should “be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” I put these words on my desk, where I’m reminded, in different words, of what the writer to the church at Ephesus is trying to say. (Some days I do better than others at paying attention to this wisdom.)

Are we practicing?

In Richard Ward’s thought-provoking commentary on this text, he questions the authenticity of our “liturgical hand-holding,” singing about our unity and our love for one another, if the world does not see us and think of the One we claim to follow. Ward draws on Ephesians to urge us on in “the practice of kindness,” which will help us to avoid slipping into “empty gestures” of “love and unity” in church that do not reflect the quality of our shared life.

Here, in Ephesians, we find the value of reading and truly living out these words from a writer who witnessed those same old sins so long ago: “The practice of kindness,” Ward says, “draws one away from ‘hardness of heart’ and into the ‘life of God.'” Everyday life, everyday struggles, and everyday practice…and God gives us, at every moment, grace along the way to energize and sustain us.

Everyone can contribute

There is responsibility threaded through this reading, too, with everyone called on to work and contribute, to help and share their goods with those in need. We should also build one another up, sharing not only our material goods but a spirit that strengthens and encourages one another. To do otherwise is to “grieve the Spirit of God.”

When has the church itself “grieved the Spirit of God”? Is it more difficult to share a generous, encouraging spirit than it is to share our money? When do we have the opportunity to be loving, generous, tender-hearted, and forgiving, and in so doing and being, offer ourselves up “as a fragrant offering” to God?

A preaching commentary on this text (with book titles) is at

The Rev. Kathryn Matthews ( retired in 2016 after serving as the dean of Amistad Chapel at the national offices of the United Church of Christ in Cleveland, Ohio (

You’re invited to share your reflections on this text in the comments on our Facebook page:

For further reflection:

Abraham Joshua Heschel, 20th century
“When I was young, I admired clever people. Now that I am old, I admire kind people.”

William Pickens, in a speech to a meeting of Congregationalists, Oak Park, Illinois, November 2, 1932
“Living together in an art.”

The Dalai Lama, 21st century
“Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible to be kind.”

Maya Angelou, 21st century
“Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon the host. But anger is like fire. It burns it all clean.”

Aristotle, 4th century b.c.e.
“Anybody can become angry — that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way — that is not within everybody’s power and is not easy.”

Jean Baptiste Lacordaire, 19th century
“We are leaves of one branch, the drops of one sea, the flowers of one garden.”

Stanley Hauerwas, 21st century
“Saints cannot exist without a community, as they require, like all of us, nurturance by a people who, while often unfaithful, preserve the habits necessary to learn the story of God.”

Wendell Berry, 20th century
“Healing is impossible in loneliness; it is the opposite of loneliness. Conviviality is healing. To be healed we must come with all the other creatures to the feast of Creation.”

Dorothy Day, 20th century
“We have all known the long loneliness and we have learned that the only solution is love and that love comes with community.”

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