• Who We Are
    • Who We Are
    • Mission
    • History
    • General Synod
    • Leadership and Ministry
    • Staff
    • United Church of Christ Board
  • What We Believe
    • What We Believe
    • Worship Ways
    • Daily Devotional
  • What We Do
    • What We Do
    • Office of the General Minister & President
    • Justice & Local Church Ministries
    • Wider Church Ministries
  • News
  • Church Finder
  • Donate Now
  • Search
UCC Logo United Church of Christ
  • Church Finder
  • Events
  • Contact
  • Store
  • Frontline Faith Portal
  • Donate Now
  • Search
  • Who We Are
    • Column
      • About
        • Mission
        • Constitution and Bylaws
        • History
          • UCC Archives
        • UCC Brand Guidelines
        • General Synod
          • Synod 33 Worship Videos
          • Past General Synods
        • Abuse Prevention
    • Column
      • Structure
        • Conferences
        • Affiliated Ministries
          • The Pension Boards
          • Cornerstone Fund
          • Insurance Board
          • The Council for Health and Human Services Ministries
          • Church Building & Loan Fund
          • Convergence
    • Column
      • Team
        • Elected Officers
        • Staff
        • United Church of Christ Board
          • Board Minutes
        • Office of General Counsel
        • UCCOSSN
    • Column
      • Career Opportunities
      • Annual Reports
  • What We Believe
    • Column
      • Worship
        • Statement of Faith of the United Church of Christ – La Declaración de Fe de la Iglesia Unida de Cristo
        • Worship Ways
        • Daily Devotional
        • Sermon Seeds
  • How We Serve
    • Column
      • Office of the General Minister & President
        • Welcome to Human Resources
          • Employee Relations Resources
        • Center for Analytics, Research & Development and Data (CARDD)
          • General CARDD FAQs
          • About The Center for Analytics, Research & Development, and Data (CARDD)
          • Authorized Minister Opt Out
          • Access UCC
          • Archived Reports
          • Assessment Resources
          • Information Policies and Requests
          • Faith Communities Today (FACT) Survey
          • MissionInsite
          • Statistics and Reports
          • Vital Signs and Statistics Blog
          • Data Hub FAQs
          • Data Hub
          • Yearbook and Directory
    • Column
      • Justice & Local Church Ministries
        • Justice
          • Faithful Action Ministries
            • Environmental Justice Ministries
            • Economic Justice
            • Racial Justice
          • Office of Public Policy & Advocacy in Washington D.C.
            • Justice and Peace Action Network
            • Our Faith Our Vote
            • Justice Training Resources
            • Action Center
          • Health and Wholeness Advocacy
            • Disabilities and Mental Health Justice
            • Encuentros Latinx
            • UCC HIV & AIDS Network-UCAN
            • LGBTQ Ministries
            • Our Whole Lives
            • Overdose and Drug Use Ministries
            • Scouting
            • Wellness Ministries
          • The Pilgrim Press & Stillspeaking Publications
    • Column
      • Justice & Local Church Ministries
        • Local Church
          • The Faith Education, Innovation and Formation (Faith INFO)Team
            • Weekly Seeds
            • Youth & Young Adults
          • Worship Resources
            • Worship Ways
            • Sermon Seeds
            • Synod 33 Worship Videos
            • Music and Liturgical Arts
          • Stewardship & Generosity Resources
          • Ministerial Excellence, Support & Authorization (MESA)
            • History, Polity, and Theology
            • Search and Call
            • Ministerial Profiles
            • Ministry Opportunities
            • Manual on Ministry
    • Column
      • Wider Church Ministries
        • Global Ministries
        • Global H.O.P.E.
          • Volunteer Ministries
          • Refugee and Migration Ministries
          • Disaster Ministries
          • Recovering Hope
        • Ecumenical and Interfaith Relations
  • Resources
  • News
    • Column
      • News
        • United Church of Christ News
    • Column
      • Columns
        • Witness for Justice
        • Into the Mystic
        • Getting to the Root of It
        • The Pollinator: UCC Environmental Justice Blog
        • UCC Roots
        • Encounters at the Well
        • Reflexiones
    • Column
      • Upcoming Events
        • Webinars
      • Subscriptions at the United Church of Christ
      • Changes & Deaths
  • Giving
    • Column
      • Donate Now
      • Ways to Give
        • Giving Tuesday
        • General Synod 2021 Thursday in Black Offering
        • General Synod 2021 Racial Justice Offering
        • Disaster Ministries: How to Give
        • Our Church’s Wider Mission
          • Our Church’s Wider Mission Basic Support
          • Strengthen the Church
          • One Great Hour of Sharing
          • Neighbors in Need
          • Christmas Fund
          • 5 for 5
    • Column
      • Ways We Give
        • Scholarships & Grants

  • Home
  • News
  • Column
  • Into the Mystic
  • Asking Questions

Asking Questions

by John Dorhauer | published on Sep 19, 2022

Listen to the podcast

Read the transcript

Just a couple days ago, I sat for a few precious hours on the front porch with my mother. I was back in St. Louis, my hometown, and I had the evening free on a long weekend of speaking events.

I don’t get that many chances to sit with Mom these days. Not knowing how much longer I will have her with us, and never taking a moment like this for granted, I savored every second of it.

Among the things we talked about is why I left the Catholic seminary after eight years of preparing for ordination to the priesthood. Mom and Dad were so proud that I was going to become a priest. When we got to the point when I reminded her of the day that I called her and Dad to meet me at the seminary to tell them I was not continuing my studies, she sat up quickly and laughed out loud – remembering what a confusing and painful day that was for both of them.

I realized I had never told her why I had left.

I sat and explained to her that over the last three or four years, I started to question matters of the faith, teachings that the church held dear, and that when I took my vow of obedience I would also not only have to accept but teach my parishioners to accept. Among the questions I had were: why couldn’t women be ordained; why do we teach there is no salvation outside the church; and why is the Communion table not open to all.

As I was sharing this with my mom, with every question she just nodded her head as if to say she has always wondered the same thing. I told her that every time I asked the questions I was told the same thing: “These are the teachings of the church and have been for 2,000 years. Who are you to question them?”

I shared with her I didn’t leave angry at the church or their answers. I left with a broken heart, knowing I would have to abandon my call because I could not take that vow of obedience and then spend the rest of my life asking people to believe something I didn’t yet. I kept waiting for someone to explain the reasoning behind and the defense of these matters in a way that made sense to me. I figured it would happen some day – and then I could, with integrity and in good conscience, take my vows.

That moment never came for me.

I reminded Mom that it was she who brought that out in me.

She was a questioner. At first it was hard for her to face the questions, because she, too, had been taught not to ask such things. But I would come home over a weekend and she and I would sit at the kitchen table and talk. I would bring up something I was questioning, and while at first she would be uncomfortable before long she was listening, shifting, engaging me in dialogue, debate and acceptance – not of any new truth but just of the need to ask the question.

I told her that the first day I showed up at Eden Seminary to discern if my call would lead me in a different direction, the dean there, upon learning I was a former Catholic who had spent eight years in the seminary with them, said to me: “John, if you come here you have to learn to question everything.”

Mom smiled. She knew – I had found my spiritual home.

Someone said to me yesterday something I’m going to leave you with: Ask the question; answer the question; question the answer. Now that’s wisdom I can live with and walk with on this, our journey Into the Mystic.


Content on ucc.org is copyrighted by the National Setting of the United Church of Christ and may be only shared according to the guidelines outlined here.

Categories: Column Into the Mystic

Sign Up For Our Newsletter








Privacy Policy






Related News

Into the Mystic

Kindland

Listen to the...

Read More
Witness for Justice
Witness for Justice

Climate Hope

Earlier this week, a couple of related items in my social media feed serendipitously arrived...

Read More
Justice & Peace Action Network Monthly Newsletter

JPANet February 2023 Newsletter

Each month we ask UCC advocates to help us unpack the complex justice issues that we’re...

Read More
  • Column
    • Local Church and Conference Resource Directory
    • Mission
    • Justice & Local Church Ministries
    • General Synod Resolutions
  • Column
    • Contact
    • News
    • Store

Content on ucc.org is copyrighted by the National Setting of the United Church of Christ and may be only shared according to the guidelines outlined here.

1300 E. 9th Street, Suite 1100
Cleveland, Ohio 44114

  • Follow us on Facebook
  • Follow us on Twitter
  • Follow us on Instagram
  • Subscribe on YouTube

Donate Now


UCC Crest
© United Church of Christ 2023. Privacy Policy.
Crafted by Cornershop Creative