Friends Forever, or Just a Season

For everything there is a season and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to keep, and a time to throwaway. – Ecclesiastes 3:1, 5b, 6b (NRSV) 

I was recently ghosted in a longtime friendship. (Don’t worry, it’s not you). It surprised me how much it hurt. I mean, aren’t we adults? Didn’t they want to work on it, respect me enough to tell me if I had messed up, give me a chance to make amends? Or at least grant me the peace of closure by telling me it’s over so I don’t just feel needy and paranoid?  

I spent months going over our history in great detail, trying to see what might have gone wrong. I even reached out to instigate a summit, but they were determined to drift.  

Or maybe I’m the problem. I’m a demanding friend. I want depth. I want loyalty. I want adventures and wild laughter. I want to keep growing and I want them to grow too, expanding in all the ways God wants us to expand, but never grow apart.  

When I make a new friend, I want them to become old friends immediately. I am a friend-hoarder.  

But what my friend policy does not take into account is that some friendships are a temporary gift. They may be intense, juicy, deeply rewarding and profound—and then vanish mysteriously, sometimes fueled by a move or a different kind of rupture.  

That the friendship ended doesn’t invalidate how good and real it was at the time—how much you were able to help each other through a specific season until harvest was complete. And maybe God is in the mix, gently breaking you up so you each have space for your next bestie.  

Prayer
Jesus, what a friend we have in you. May I trust your enduring friendship and loyalty, while learning how to let other human beings come and go with grace.

About the Author
Molly Baskette is a UCC minister, psychedelic facilitator and author of books about church renewal, parenting, post-traumatic joy and more. Learn more at mollybaskette.com.