10 Signs You Should Not Be Getting Married in a Church

John 2:1-2

“On the third day there was a wedding at Cana in Galilee, and the mother of Jesus was there. Jesus also was invited to the wedding with his disciples.”

Reflection by Lillian Daniel

10 signs you should not be getting married in a church

1. You find yourself asking the clergy to take all the references to Jesus out of the service.
2. You find yourself dreading your next meeting with the minister.
3. You find yourself dreading the service, worried that the minister will say something too religious.
4. You disagree with the core values of the church.
5. You find the core values of the church so uninteresting that you can just tune them out, no problem.
6. You are not a member of any faith community and neither one of you intends to be.
7. This location feels like a choice you both are making for somebody else, rather than for yourselves.
8. You and your partner have never talked about religion, and you have serious doubts that you will ever be able to.
9. This experience feels like just another wedding transaction, one more service provider to check off the list.
10. You can’t wait for the reception.

10 signs you might be in the right place after all

1. You have drifted from the church, but as you prepare for your wedding you find yourself seeking a community of faith.
2. You enjoy meeting the minister and appreciate the chance to focus on matters of the spirit in the midst of wedding planning stress.
3. You have worshipped here and found yourself moved.
4. You want your marriage to be associated with this place and its core values.
5. You can imagine the members of this church holding you in prayer.
6. You sense that your marriage is about more than the two of you.
7. You find yourself praying.
8. This experience is causing you and your partner to talk about your faith and your aspirations for a faith community as a couple.
9. You don’t have it all figured out yet, but this church feels like a blessing to start you on your way.
10. You can’t wait for the wedding.


May God bless all those who marry, wherever they may do so, that they will rejoice even more in love’s winter than in its springtime.

About the Author
Lillian Daniel is the senior minister of the First Congregational Church, UCC, Glen Ellyn, Illinois. She is the author, with Martin Copenhaver, of This Odd and Wondrous Calling: the Public and Private Lives of Two Ministers.

Check out I Do! Getting Ready for Marriage: Today’s Guide for Couples, the newest Stillspeaking Writer’s Group resource for preparing for marriage.