Even in the Depths
Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. – Psalm 139:7-8 (NIV)
Psalm 139 has been a part of my ministry journey since my application essay to seminary. It has spoken to me and taught me in various seasons, through different verses and translations.
Today I am affirmed by the psalm’s reminder that God is with me whether I am holy or hood. Holy and hood.
I need this reminder today because, as I shared with one of my Co-Madres through sobs caught in my throat, my soul is vexed. And truth be told, I’m screaming to God from a deep place of sadness that I can only refer to as hell, crying out,
“If only you, God, would slay the wicked! Away from me, you who are bloodthirsty! They speak of you with evil intent; your adversaries misuse your name. Do I not hate those who hate you, Lord, and abhor those who are in rebellion against you? I have nothing but hatred for them; I count them my enemies.” (Psalm 139:19-22, NIV)
Today I am reminded that I can release my truth and be free from hell, and God will be there to hold me. God will be in it with me. Pouring love into spaces made open with lament.
Prayer
For being a real one, my true ride or die, come heaven or hell, “and leading me in the way everlasting,” props! Thanks, Yo! I love you, God.
About the AuthorRev. Dr. Marilyn Pagán-Banks (she/they/ella/elle) is an Afriqueña queer womanist minister, healer, and lifelong co-learner committed to the liberation of oppressed and colonized peoples, building power, and creating community.