What Am I to Do with My Anger?
“Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.” – Matthew 5:5 (NRSV)
Every morning, when I open my eyes, it’s there again. It’s kept me up half the night, but in those few hours of slumber, I hoped that it might disappear. But there it is.
I’m still angry.
I don’t need to hear the news for the day. I’m still furious about yesterday. I can’t believe that this is happening, and I’m livid. It’s anger that makes me act. It spurs my resistance, but it is where my faith falters.
Faith requires meekness, not fury. We are to live by the Spirit, Paul writes, not by those opposing desires of the flesh where anger is lumped together with quarreling, strife, and dissensions. The strife is over. A song of triumph should be sung, but I have no alleluias to give.
Jesus only gets angry once. He flips a few tables and goes right back to being meek and mild in every version of the story I’ve ever heard. So, what am I to do with my anger when the battle is not yet won?
Who will teach me that meekness is not passivity but proactive generosity? Or must I remind myself every morning that this is what it means to live my faith?
It’s not only to give honor to the most persecuted, but to hunger and thirst for change. It’s to be generous with myself and others so that we are blessed to turn this world upside down with our protest. This is my faith and it is full of rage.
Help me, O God, to find the right road to live out this faith that gives honor to your people and your hope. Use the flesh you gave me to change the world.