Diving Deeply
“A voice from heaven said…Saul, why do you persecute me?” – Acts 9:4-5
I live a very safe life and am white enough to trust the police. That being said, I often feel persecuted. My persecution is called trivialization. I putter my piety. I neglect the divine on behalf of the immediate. I play penultimate, not ultimate Frisbee. I stay in the shallows. I keep God alive in my heart only to forget about what God might want from me on a regular basis. That is a version of spiritual privilege. I know I am baptized and blessed with the deep water of Jesus’ Christianity. I know where I’m supposed to live. I just don’t get there most days, most of the time. That is what it means to be a generalist at religion, an amateur at faith, and a second stringer spiritually. I get to play in the game after the others have already won it. I feel more than a little persecuted by the heavy demands of faith and the great shallowness of not knowing what to have for dinner.
I have been thinking of adopting a nickname—Rip Van Twinkle—which would allow me to dive more deeply into my days. Rip came back after twenty years’ sleep and found that everything had changed.
I woke up one day and realized that I had become old. I woke up one day and realized that most of my life was over. Instead of diving deeply, I had been sticking my toes in one shallow pool after another. Why, God asks me, did I consent to persecution of the divine? I didn’t really consent. I just fell asleep.
Prayer
Spirited Jesus, during this Lent let us realize we were offered twinkle and took temptations instead. Help us. Amen.
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Donna Schaper is Senior Minister at Judson Memorial Church in New York City. Her most recent book is I Heart Frances: Letters to the Pope from an Unlikely Admirer.