Boundaried Love

Observe how Christ loved us. His love was not cautious but extravagant. He didn’t love in order to get something from us but to give everything of himself to us. Love like that. – Ephesians 5:2 (MSG) 

Is it just me, or does Christ’s love sound a little, um, unhealthy? 

Is it just Jesus, or do all of us who’ve been taught to give of ourselves like Jesus did need to learn something about boundaries?  

Is it just a matter of 21st-century psychobabble muddling the first-century gospel, or have we managed to turn the gospel of liberation and love into a spiritualized prescription for burnout?  

What do you think?  

I think there’s a fine line between extravagant love and self-abasement, a delicate distinction between joyful service and soul-sapping obligation. Not that we shouldn’t aspire to love as purely as Jesus did, but I wonder if we shouldn’t be more honest about how difficult and dangerous that is. 

We should encourage each other to learn to say “no.” We need to equip one another to listen for Spirit’s voice, discern the difference between what needs doing and what is ours to do, and consider what it means to love ourselves as well as we love others.   

Jesus was not without boundaries. He was forever stepping away from the crowds to be with God. He said some pretty jarring things about how his holy call impacted his obligations to biological family. Until the very end, he set limits and maintained his dignity.   

Setting boundaries can make us feel guilty, and our boundaries may disappoint and hurt the people we love. But not having any boundaries harms us all.  

Prayer
May I love you as faithfully as Jesus did, love my neighbor as myself, and love myself as tenderly as you do.

About the Author
Vicki Kemper is the Pastor of First Congregational, UCC, in Amherst, Massachusetts, and a spiritual director.