United Church of Christ

Daily Devotional for Small Group Discussion: The Best Revenge

Discussion Questions

  1. How do you find closure if you don’t get an apology you feel you deserve after experiencing harm?
  2. What habits or relationships are obstacles to your healing? What can you do to change these dynamics?

The Best Revenge

Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. - 1 Peter 3:9 (NIV)

I was praying the other day and I was shocked when my ex’s face crossed my mind. I didn’t have a good relationship with this person. They harmed me and never apologized, so the words I think when I remember our relationship are usually far from holy.

After our breakup, I spent time actively hoping this person would reap what they sowed, even checking their social media hoping I’d find out they were miserable.

Eventually, I realized my preoccupation with wishing for their misery took up so much energy that I had very little time to focus on healing from the relationship. It took me awhile to understand that no bad thing happening to them would heal the pain I was feeling.

It was only when I stopped focusing on them and started tending to my own spiritual trauma that I started to feel free.

I think my ex came to mind when I was praying as Spirit’s way of communicating to me that I’ve reclaimed my power.

The best revenge against my ex was choosing not to seek revenge but to instead invest in my own healing. My ex’s suffering wouldn’t have created a path to my healing, even though it initially felt that way.

Revenge requires feeling relief because of someone else’s suffering, and that’s not something I want to normalize within myself. There’s a very thin line – perhaps no line at all – between sporadically wishing harm happens to someone and being the type of person who finds reason to universally justify harm.

Prayer
Release me from the shackles of those who have harmed me. Heal my spiritual wounds and set me free. Amen.

Marchaé GrairAbout the Author
Marchaé Grair is a spiritual director, facilitator, and the Director of Public Relations and Outreach at the Unitarian Universalist Association. Follow her work at marchae.com.

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