Sword-Pierced Soul

Then Simeon blessed both parents, but turned and said to Mary, Jesus’s mother: “This child is destined to be a sign…so that the thoughts of many hearts will be revealed. And a sword will pierce your own soul too. – Luke 2:34-35 (NRVS, adapted) 

Our daughter is leaving us. No, we didn’t have a homewrecking fight. The authorities aren’t taking her into custody. She hasn’t been called into a quest to save the Shire. She’s leaving for the totally banal and stupid reason that she’s 18 and has decided to go to college.  

My trademark parenting strategy for the last two decades has been: overbearing love and affection combined with strategic abandonment. The second part has worked a little too well. Last year she couldn’t imagine not living with me and her dad. Now she is wildly ready, one foot already out the door, and I’m the one who is having trouble letting go. 

I joke that it’s because I finally got her loading the dishwasher correctly, but the truth is both more poignant and more pathetic: I love her so much that I can’t imagine not having her physically, palpably in my life every day. I also worry, despite the savvy and sensible creature she is, that she’ll be exposed to more lethal forms of peril without my supervision—highway accident, late-night mugging, orc showdown (I haven’t yet ruled out her being called to save the Shire).  

A friend who is also empty nesting has been praying with Mary a lot. Mary who sighed and started letting go when her 12-year-old son stayed behind in Jerusalem arguing with the temple priests. Mary who then got a bunch of bonus years with Jesus only to see him suddenly wild out at age 30, starving himself in the desert. 

Mary who sat at the foot of the cross and endured his death by torture so he would feel less alone and afraid, spending every last minute of his life with him, both of them in unimaginable pain. 

There at the very beginning, at his baby blessing, Simeon named the wonders Jesus would someday do, but warned Mary: “A sword will pierce your own soul, too.” 

Prayer
Mary, Mother of God: you taught us that loving makes us hold on, and loving even better helps us let go, so our children can do and become all that God intends them to be. Hold us now, as we watch them go.

About the Author
Rev. Molly Baskette is the lead pastor of First Church Berkeley UCC and the author of books about church renewal, parenting, spiritual growth and more. Sign up for her author newsletter or get information about her newest book at mollybaskette.com.