Proverbs 12:16

"A fool shows his annoyance at once, but a prudent person overlooks an insult."

Reflection by Kenneth L. Samuel

It's only natural to want to give an immediate response to an insult.  If we've been injured, we feel that we have the right to respond immediately with wrathful indignation.  After all, the sooner we let those who hurt us know how we feel, the better.  And if our responses are bitter and acidic, so be it!  Maybe next time they'll think twice before they cross the line with us. 

If our aim is to get back at those who hurt us, it all makes sense.  But when we think about it, our getting back at people does nothing to help them or us get any better.  Someone has got to model for our antagonists a better way of being in relationship.  To do that,  we must learn how to temper our angry reactions.  Many of the people I visit in jails and prisons across the country tell me that their imprisonment is due to their uncontrolled responses to having been "dissed" or disrespected.  My own road rage on the highway in response to discourteous motorists has endangered my life and the lives of others far too many times.  And there is certainly no way that Dr. King and the Civil Rights workers could have touched the conscience of America if they had not disciplined and directed their reactions to racist violence.

Anger brought about by insults is certainly understandable, but people with personalities that are defined by anger are rarely possessed of a mindset to contribute to real solutions.  If the cycle of insults and retaliations is never broken, better ways of relating to one another will never emerge.  Deep insults come from people who are deeply disturbed.  An exclusive focus on the insult cannot reveal or address the pain of its origin.

No, we don't all need to become psychologists in order to deal with insults.  Perhaps we can just remember the example of Jesus, who looked over the hurtful insults of his detractors in order to open the door to lasting reconciliation.  Reactive anger may make us feel better for a while, but proactive love is still our only salvation.

Prayer

God, please give us the wisdom today to overlook the insults that don't matter; and to address those that do with a mind toward better relations.  Amen.

About the Author Kenneth L. Samuel is Pastor of Victory for the World Church, Stone Mountain, Georgia.

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